Waiting for Wheely

On pressure sores, conference preparation, poetry and patience (with myself) #WordyAndWheelyWednesdays

Hullo my lovely readers

A content note for mentions – but no more detail – of pressure sores.

Firstly, thank you for your generous responses to last week’s/Sunday’s letter and poem. That doesn’t really cover the extent of my gratitude, but I don’t really have words for my feelings.

Either about its subject or the fact that it’s finally fully written and out there and no longer waiting seemingly indefinitely to move from my mind to the page or screen.

Which brings me to the substance of today’s letter.

As you may have noticed, my sharing the poem on Sunday meant that I didn’t succeed in keeping to my ideal posting day of Wednesday. Or, consequently, to the rejuvenation of #WordyAndWheelyWednesdays that I’d previously referenced aiming towards.

That was thanks to my pressure sore requiring me to pace, particularly because I had to work around it to finalise two upcoming conference papers, as well as client work.

(And to ensure it’s stable for me to present the first paper, which I will be doing tomorrow [or what will be tomorrow on the day this letter is scheduled to go out.])

But I did manage to finish the poem.

Something I’ve been working on for almost eighteen months.

And today is a Wednesday (or it will be).

So I’ve been thinking about Samuel Beckett’s writing, and his maxim in the novella Worstward Ho (1983):

Fail again. Fail better.

Because the limbo needed by lots of lying down has at times felt interminable (hence the other Beckett reference in this letter’s title, to the thematically evocative [even down to the disability elements!] play, Waiting for Godot [1952 in its English version]).

But I eventually realised that leaning into that liminality (just as I have done with my gender identity and expression, explored in my letter and poem “Language At Last”) could offer an opportunity instead of an obstacle.

That was what let me finish my response to “Disabled”.

And it’s also let me make progress towards finishing (in my head, at any rate) some of the letters I have been planning, and then holding, for almost as many months. Now I “just” – just! – have to type out and schedule them.

(Including the top choice on this poll…)

When my body allows alongside work-related writing, for clients but also my individual research, like the two conferences I mentioned.

Alongside those long-awaited letters (long-awaited by me, at least), there will also be some newer ones. The first of which is actually scheduled for Saturday, for a specific but surprising reason.

(Surprising in that it surprised me, but it may not surprise you at all when you read it. Except that it’s taken me so long to find the courage to do the thing that it’s about.)

In the meantime, my deep gratitude for your continued patience and kindness whilst you’re waiting for Wheely, and I hope this image feels suitably apt.

[Image description: A zoomed-in photo of Jessi’s powered wheelchair in their bedroom, taken from the angle of their bed. / End image description]

Thanks so much for reading, and love and solidarity until next time,

Jx